Waiting

Do you ever feel like your entire life centres around something you are waiting to happen? Sometimes it's a logical anticipation, some excitement you have been expecting, but right now, for me, it's something different.

I don't know what I'm waiting on. Sure, I have short term goals, I'm nervously anticipating the season finale of my favourite TV show, my exams, and the summer to come. But under all this there's a kind of emptiness.

I'm waiting for something to start me up again. I have no direction, no underlying goal or motive. maybe sometimes the little things are enough, but I dont feel myself, I haven't done since last summer.

I'm hungry for life, real life, to come and take notice of me. While I tell myself that I have to make things happen, I can't if I don't know what I want, and I'm at an age where I can ruin my own life, or make it what I desire, and I feel alone.

Alone with this gnawing ticking clock inside, waiting, begging even, for something to start.