Monday, 23 May 2011


an excessively favorable opinion of one's own ability,importance, wit, etc.
something that is conceived in the mind; a thought; idea: He jotted down the conceits of his idle hours.
imagination; fancy.

I am conceited. I create conceits to protect my vanity. We are a conceit of my wandering mind.

1. I long to be the best, to be the ultimate. To be the one who is remembered and praised. I carry myself bold-faced among the rich and famous, tray held steady, the best goddamned waitress in all the world. Lady in waiting, waiting for the chance to be more than I am. Vainly anticipating my own advancement, privileged and cold.

2. At the station building a little story around a coffee cup meet-cute which ended abruptly when it became too real. My dancefloor syndrome replicates, I'm too afraid to advance anything beyond the meaningless impulse of a kiss in the dark, or a quick chat. But in my mind, these things meander on.

3. And under it all there's you circling. A friend who is both more and less than a friend. I think you talk in riddles, or am I just reading between the lines and making something out of nothing. I cant seem to let it go, in moments of weakness I move, and the old spark flies again, before fading against the light of truth. But some days, I imagine it's not just a spark but the first sliver of a glorious sunrise which burns away all the conceit and my fear, and leaves us standing there for at least a little while.